That's the headline I hope I see in the next couple of months. It makes so much sense. Knicks fans (at least, the cool ones) miss the team they had in the 90's, with Anthony Mason, Charles Oakley, John Starks, and the rest of the best ruffians they could scrape together from the rest of the league, and they had a bunch of great seasons where all they did was beat teams into submission. Like, with fists. The fights with the Heat were some of my favorite moments in sports (Van Gundy clinging to Alonzo Mourning's leg was pure genius). I say we need to get that started again. Artest's only 24, and there's no longer any doubt that he's fucking psychotic. You'd have to have a lot of balls not to be just a little intimidated by him. Once he comes back, he'll be a force no matter where he plays. Yeah, he might get suspended again, but what are the chances it'd be as bad as this time? You just have to count on him being out a few games a season. At least he's never injured (last season he came back like two games after breaking his thumb, after everyone said he'd be gone for the season). And New York fans would love him.

As for Kurt Thomas, he's wanted out for a long time. You can just tell. The Knicks are always pushing him around -- now he's starting, now some new hotshot comes in and he's benched, blah blah. He'd love to be on a perennial contendah like the Pacers. And he just bores me. He's the most boring player in the league besides Tim Duncan. Obviously, considering that comparison, I'm not saying he's not good -- just that he's not any fun to watch.

This may be proof that I'd be a terrible GM, but I don't care.

MSNBC - Looking for a pet sitter or dog walker?: "Returning home one evening from her job as a securities lawyer on Wall Street, Reed opened her front door to hear the thump, thump, thump of techno music booming from her bedroom. When she walked into the room, Reed was stunned to find her male dog walker dancing in front of the mirror, wearing one of her dresses. Her two cocker spaniels, Katie and Kidder, sat on her bed, watching.

"After getting over her shock, which was made worse when she learned that this man had also been wearing her makeup and underwear on a regular basis, Reed had a revelation. In a city such as New York, filled with thousands of busy professionals such as herself, there must be a demand for reliable, responsible people to take care of pets."

THAT's the revelation she had?

Yahoo! Sports - NBA - Knicks 93, Rockets 92: "'We're getting what we deserve,'' a disgusted Van Gundy said. 'You need to avoid losses like that during your season. We're off to an, obviously, very disappointing start and we'll see where we go from here.'"

I miss Van Gundy because he was always pissed off. I'm so sick of having my team serve as the deathbed for Lenny Wilkens.

MSNBC - Kid Quarterbacks Rule Today's NFL: "It was brutal watching Drew Bledsoe against the Patriots last week - leading his Buffalo team to just 125 yards of offense - and recalling that he was once among the league's premier quarterbacks. Many attribute his downward spiral to the devastating knockout blow he endured in 2001 with the Patriots, the injury that led to Brady's ascension and New England's first Super Bowl championship. Truth is, Bledsoe thrived back when a big strong-armed quarterback behind a solid offensive line was sufficient for success. But none of Bledsoe's other skills evolved sufficiently to help him combat the sophisticated blitz packages in today's game. He is slow and clumsy afoot, has bad hands (so buying more time for him in a shotgun formation is a dubious option), is a lousy ball-handler (so his play-action fakes fool nobody) and never displayed any touch with the most basic escape weapon, the swing pass in the flat. At 32, Bledsoe is not going to suddenly acquire those skills."

It's all obviously true, but still it's pretty harsh when it's laid out like that.

sacbee.com -- Placer -- Colfax man dies following bizarre mishap at home: "Placer County sheriff's officers are speculating that a Colfax man who was found burned to death this month had stuck his booted feet in an oven to warm them.

"The boots apparently caught fire and the victim ran through the house as other clothing began to catch fire, said Lt. George Malim.

"The man then ran outside, fell on a pile of broken bottles, got up and tried to run again before collapsing and dying in the back yard, Malim said."

...horribly hilarious!

CNN.com - Tributes to Iraq's 'mama Margaret' - Nov 17, 2004: "In two wars, Hassan remained in Baghdad when the bombs fell. She was a vocal opponent of the international sanctions imposed on Iraq after its invasion of Kuwait in 1990, and she traveled widely before the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq in March 2003 to warn that such a conflict would bring a 'humanitarian catastrophe' on the country."

This lady was a hero. I can't stand stories like this.

MSNBC - Heavy computer use linked to eye disease - "Hours in front of a computer screen may increase the risk of glaucoma in people who are myopic or near-sighted, Japanese scientists said on Tuesday."

So basically, if your eyes are already bad, like mine, just wait! They're gonna get much worse.

MSNBC - Bush expected to nominate Rice as secretary of state: "...they expect the departure of a large number of State Department moderates who, like Powell, sometimes clashed with more hawkish administration officials such as Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld and Vice President Dick Cheney."

Translation: Every remaining moderate in the executive branch is being replaced from the top down with neoconservatives. I wonder how soon we'll be blowing up the world. February?

I've tried three times to watch the new one today, but was laughing too hard to continue (yeah it was on my lunch break, but still it doesn't look good if you're cracking up uncontrollably at your desk). I'll have to watch it at home before I decide if it supplants Trogdor in the top spot.

CNN.com - Charges dropped in bogus $200 Bush bill - Nov 15, 2004: "GREENSBURG, Pennsylvania (AP) -- Charges have been dropped against a woman who paid for clothes with a fake $200 bill that featured President Bush's picture and the serial number DUBYA4U2001.

"Westmoreland County prosecutors dropped all charges Friday against Deborah L. Trautwine, 51, after she paid the store in real currency.

"Trautwine wasn't aware that the bill wasn't actual legal tender, said her attorney, Harry Smail Jr.

"A clerk at a Fashion Bug clothing store also apparently was fooled by the funny money."

Canadian Alternative

Canada's getting pretty brash about wanting you to move there. The thing is, they make some good points:

1. Canada has universal public health care.

2. Canada has no troops in Iraq.

3. Canada signed the Kyoto Protocol environmental treaty.

4. More than half of Canada's provinces allow same-sex marriage.

5. The Canadian Senate recommends legalizing marijuana.

6. Canada has no law restricting abortion.

7. Canada has strict gun laws and relatively little violence.

8. The United Nations has ranked Canada the best country to live in for eight consecutive years.

9. Canada abolished the death penalty in 1976.

10. Canada has not run a federal deficit since 1996-97.

Kinda hard to argue...

MSNBC - Kobe scores 41, but Magic's balance too much - "Kobe scores lots of points, but Lakers lose" .... "Kobe on a tear, Lakers not so much" .... "Kobe scores 82, still can't win without Shaq" ....

MSNBC - Scott Peterson convicted of murder - This isn't news. It never was news. People get murdered every day. This has been shoved down our throats for months because they were an attractive white couple, and a hot blonde mistress was involved -- not because the case was in any way extraordinary. The only interesting thing to me is: They had less evidence on this guy than they did on Kobe. Kobe's playing basketball again (actually, he's on my fantasy team, so I guess I can't complain).

MSNBC - Arafat's body begins long journey home - "Thousands ran into the streets, clutching his photograph, crying and wondering how they would survive without the man who embodied their struggle for statehood."

How come whenever anything happens in the Middle East, the Palestinians always run into the streets? Aren't there cars there? Can't they cry at home?

Here's an "electoral map" formed from polls of people in countries all over the world. Guess I'm from a "red state" after all.

CNN.com - Howard Dean considers DNC bid - Nov 9, 2004 - "Former presidential candidate Howard Dean is considering a bid to become chairman of the national Democratic Party."

It's good to have the Deaniac back in the news again. I miss him. He's kind of a psycho, but at least he's an honest psycho. He's the only politician I can think of who isn't blowing a steady tornado of smoke up your ass at all times.

Thanks to MichaelMoore.com ...

MSNBC - Trench Warfare: "At a press conference in mid-April, Bush told a reporter that, try as he might, he just couldn't think of a mistake he had made since 9/11. The press and the chattering classes hooted in derision. But Bush actually went up in the polls. Most voters seemed to like the president's show of resolve. Kerry was baffled. He said with a sigh to one top staffer, 'I can't believe I'm losing to this idiot.'"

John, it's because idiots vote for their fellow idiots. That's the sad truth about this country.

The really unfortunate thing is, at the moment, I just don't care anymore, and I'm sure there are a lot of people out there like me. If someone like Bush can spend four years denigrating America at home and abroad, and then get re-elected, there's not much anyone can do to save this country from its own stupidity.

I don't know how things are going to play out over the next four years. If we make it through without crippling our national security and our economy, we should consider ourselves lucky. The really sad thing is the environment, which you know is going to take some hits that we may never reverse. This is the man who saw Dallas become the nation's most polluted city on his watch as governor (though I hear LA has taken the title back since he left).

Screw it, I'm done.

MSNBC - Arafat said to be in and out of consciousness: "Palestinian officials said Thursday that Yasser Arafat lost consciousness repeatedly in recent hours, a day after he was rushed to an intensive care unit at a French military hospital.

"The officials said they could not immediately confirm reports that the 75-year-old Palestinian leader had lapsed into a coma."

This is not a guy you should feel bad for. He has a long history of publicly denouncing terror, then turning around and supporting groups like Hamas that blow up innocent Israelis on a damn-near-daily basis. His refusal to do anything to slow the pace of violence in the Middle East makes him an evil, evil man, and we'll all be much better off without him (until they replace him with someone just as bad, but that's another story).

MSNBC - Bush wins second term as president - Kerry did the right thing and refused to prolong the inevitable, considering that he had lost the popular vote by a few million votes.

This is going to be a dramatic four years for American policy. We've got a President who now has a popular mandate, a Senate that has gone from closely divided to nearly dominated by the GOP, and a Supreme Court that's just waiting to welcome its two new right-wing colleagues. If you're a Republican looking at the branches of government right now, you're thinking, "Three out of three ain't bad."

The first person I saw at work today was a woman I didn't know. We both got in the elevator (usually I take the stairs, but this morning I didn't have the energy); she hit the button for the 2nd floor, I for the 3rd. "How are you?" she asked, as if she knew me. I couldn't help myself: "A little disappointed." Never mind that she might have voted for Bush. She looked a little taken aback, and said something along the lines of, "Well it's still great that we live in a country where so many people will come out and vote." I managed a nod as we reached her floor, holding back the response that was begging to be let out, "Too bad none of them read the goddam papers." I have a meeting at 9:00; I just hope my civility holds.

MSNBC - A Kerry landslide? - "Inside the voting booth, voters will level with themselves and realize—it just doesn’t matter who you’d 'rather have a beer with.' Neither of these guys are coming over to your house for a beer."

MSNBC - Syria: Jihad Without Borders - "Ali's sense of outrage moved him to sign up. The thought of U.S. troops around the holy shrines of Karbala and Najaf 'made me sick,' says the 25-year-old Lebanese Shiite. So a few months ago he joined a group of 50 or so men from the town of Baalbek, in Lebanon's Bekaa Valley, who had decided to fight in the Iraqi resistance."

As much as I want to dismiss guys like Ali as Islamist extremists, I will say this: I'd have a similar sick feeling if I saw photos of, say, Chinese soldiers surrounding the White House.

Clearly, Iraqis just want us out more than anything else. They want to deal with their own country on their own terms. Can we let that happen? Would Iraq really turn into a terrorist stronghold if we left? (Isn't it one already?) I don't know. But can you blame them for wanting control over their own destiny?

MSNBC -: "On the other side of the equation, a Kerry victory in Florida dooms W's reelection chances. The only reason I bring up a Florida loss for Bush, which I have been dismissing for weeks now, is because the remarkable scenes at the Supervisor of Elections office in my hometown of Pensacola, Florida. Voters waited in line for up to five hours yesterday in a heavily Republican leaning area, and yet it was a decidedly Democratic crowd that was spending their Saturday waiting to vote for John Kerry."

Kerry will win this election. Bush haters hate Bush far more than Bush lovers (which, sadly, do exist) love him.