15-year-old stuns Venus in third round - Tennis - MSNBC.com: "'I had never heard of her before this match,' Williams said. 'She played well, definitely. But I also felt like if I just played 10 percent better, I’m going to win this match easily.'"

We are all humbled by your modesty, Mrs. Ed.

It's All Newsweek's Fault!

Pretty obvious, but amusing enough... for THIS blog.

Voice of Fred Flintstone has died at 85 - Children's TV - MSNBC.com

The hits just keep on coming.

PokerTips.org - Madison Kid: "This movie is about Phil Hellmuth's life up until he turns 25. It supposedly focuses on his playing while he is in college, leading up to his decision to drop out of college and become a professional poker player."

They're making a movie about Phil Hellmuth. And Ashton Kutcher might play the lead. I don't know if anything could ever be worse... ever.

Voice of Tony the Tiger dead at 91 - U.S. News - MSNBC.com

One handbasket, please.

This is from the New York Times. The quick sketch was taken of how we tortured a taxi driver in Iraq, who turned out to be completely innocent. He died, chained up like this. You can read the article here... register for nytimes.com if you haven't already, it's free.

Huge kudos to the Times for having the balls to run a story like this after the Newsweek ordeal.

ESPN.com: Page 2 : More cowbell: Quick hits: "Will Ferrell hosted 'SNL' last weekend – another sub-par show, with one good Weekend Update joke (Pat O'Brien's 'You're So Bleeping Hot Sauce') and one decent sketch ('Celebrity Jeopardy,' rehashed from the 400 times they did it when he was on the cast). There was one highlight, though – during the first song of Queens of the Stone Age, Ferrell randomly came out dressed like Gene Frenkle and started banging the cowbell, which would have been the greatest marijuana moment of all-time if you were stoned watching the show. It seemed like the guys in the band requested it because none of them were even remotely phased – plus, they were singing 'Little Sister,' a great song that actually has a recurring cowbell in it. Just a goofy, inspired moment that redeemed an entire season of crappiness."

Apparently, they have photographic documentation of the moment Tonya Harding lost her mind.



But at least she turned out OK.

Newsweek retracts disputed Quran story - U.S. News - MSNBC.com: "On Tuesday, Pakistan's Information Minister, Sheikh Rashid Ahmed, said 'the apology and retraction are not enough.'

"'They should understand the sentiments of Muslims and think 101 times before publishing news which hurt feelings of Muslims,' he said of Newsweek."

Aw, you don't like having your feelings hurt? OK, how about we have every publication in America change all their cover stories from now on to "Muslims still super-great!"

Maybe if Muslims would meet us halfway and, I don't know, stop blowing shit up...

I just regained my composure after about two straight minutes of laughing as hard as one can laugh while remaining completely silent. I was sitting at work, pretty focused on what I was doing, barely listening to what I had on (Yahoo radio), and apparently a Richard Jeni standup routine came on. I became aware of this just as he started ranting about I Can't Believe It's Not Butter spread.

"If you're enough of an idiot, you can apply that name to any product in the store.

'I can't believe it's not butter!'

'That's lawn furniture.'

'I know! I was expecting butter!'"

It was honestly very frustrating... all I wanted to do was stop laughing, but my brain kept playing it over and over in my head. I had to duck down and hide behind my monitor.

Always Low Wages. Always. - New York Times: "In 1968, the head of General Motors received about $4 million in today's dollars - and that was considered extravagant. But last year Scott Lee Jr., Wal-Mart's chief executive, was paid $17.5 million. That is, every two weeks Mr. Lee was paid about as much as his average employee will earn in a lifetime."

Gingrich says he 'might' run for president - Politics - MSNBC.com: "Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich conceded Wednesday that he might run for president in 2008, but said he will spend the coming years focusing on changes needed in the nation and less time talking about his own political ambitions."

In related news, I 'might' be able to stop belly-laughing sometime in the next hour or so.

Culkin says molestation claims ‘absolutely ridiculous’ - MICHAEL JACKSON TRIAL - MSNBC.com: "Culkin told the jury he felt a special bond with Jackson because they were both child stars.

“'We’re a part of a unique group of people. ... He’d been through that before, so he understood what it was like to be put in that position I was in, to be thrust into it,' Culkin said. He entered court through a back entrance and was not seen by photographers or about two-dozen Jackson fans outside."

Low-Fat Dairy Reduces Type 2 Diabetes Risk in Men - CME Teaching Brief - MedPage Today: "The more men consume low-fat dairy food the less their risk of type 2 diabetes, suggests a big prospective observational study."

Get ready to hear about this in "Got Milk?" commercials in 3... 2...

If this is accurate... I want one, yesterday.

Toyota says it's open to hybrid tie-up with GM - May. 9, 2005: "General Motors said Monday it is not in talks about sharing technology with Toyota Motor Corp. after the Japanese auto manufacturer said it is open to supplying its hybrid technology to GM to help its ailing U.S. rival regain competitiveness.

Toyota chairman Hiroshi Okuda made the comments two weeks after expressing concern about the health of the U.S. industry, saying voluntary price hikes and technical tie-ups could be ways to help peers like GM (Research) and Ford Motor Co. (Research) catch their breath as they lose market share to foreign brands."

Have we really sunk that low?

Fun/procrastination with Google... type in a random interesting phrase, in quotes, just to see what comes up. Some I just tried...

"and the scary part was"

"over 1000 calories"

"vegetarian carnivore" (434 results... somehow)

"devastatingly delicious" (clearly, I'm hungry)

"little did the doctor know"

"metal detector club" (2,550 results... sadly)

New low-alcohol wine targets women - Diet and Fitness - MSNBC.com: "The reason behind White Lie’s lower alcohol is that it’s made from grapes picked earlier, when sugar levels are lower. Technology is used to extract a little more of the alcohol."

That technology, you never know what it's going to do next.

Oh, and low-alcohol wine? Stupidest idea ever.

BillOReilly.com: The O'Reilly Factor For Kids

Quick question - who buys right-wing propaganda for their kids? Or any-wing, for that matter?

Lunch for a Lifetime Official Rules | MasterCard® United States: "One (1) Grand Prize: $100,000 which winner may use toward one weekly casual dining lunch for two (2) for life, awarded in the form of a check (Approximate Retail Value 'ARV'=$100,000)."

This sweepstakes is being promoted by saying that you can win free lunch once a week for life. I was curious to see how they'd actually award these free lunches. Turns out they just give you a check for $100,000. Which, sure, you could use for lunch every week... or you could buy a Rolls Royce (more like a BMW after taxes).

Jennifer Wilbanks and John Mason's Macy's Registry on WeddingChannel.com:

"Macy's celebrates the wedding of
Jennifer Wilbanks and John Mason
April 30, 2005"

In case you're curious, here's their registry.

CNN.com - Creating 'human-animals' for research - Apr 30, 2005: "In January, an informal ethics committee at Stanford University endorsed a proposal to create mice with brains nearly completely made of human brain cells.

"Stem cell scientist Irving Weissman said his experiment could provide unparalleled insight into how the human brain develops and how degenerative brain diseases like Parkinson's progress.

"Stanford law professor Hank Greely, who chaired the ethics committee, said the board was satisfied that the size and shape of the mouse brain would prevent the human cells from creating any traits of humanity.

"Just in case, Greely said, the committee recommended closely monitoring the mice's behavior and immediately killing any that display human-like behavior."

Wait... how is it better if you kill the ones that act like humans? I would think that that would be the least ethical thing you could do in this situation. If one of them starts building a shelter out of his wood chips, you chop his head off? Why? I say give the smart ones beer and little TVs and let them live out their lives the way the rest of us do (TV's not going to make them any smarter, that's for sure).

Judging books by their covers - Bloggermann - MSNBC.com: "A year ago, an average of 1.123 homers were hit in each big league game. As of Friday night, that average had dropped to 0.949."