I mean, Matt's XBox 360.

...is now being played out, in even-more-pathetic-than-usual fashion, over the RIT All-Staff mailing list. Probably about a thousand people receive these e-mails, but that doesn't stop some people from thinking it's a good decision to express their views on the issue (I'm using the word "issue" very loosely here) via this forum. Here's the play-by-play, with names removed to protect the moronic:

This all started with an all-staff e-mail from a department I've never heard of:

From the Academic Senate Office

Warm wishes for a wonderful holiday season,

a restful break and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!

This was soon followed up by the following vague (and bafflingly spelled) inquiry:

To which holyday are you referring??

Luckily, someone had an answer:

Let's call it what it is: CHRISTMAS!

This was followed by someone trying to be witty:

or a pagan holiday of some sort...

Finally a voice of reason prevailed! Except she failed to recognize that she was just a) continuing the conversation and b) adding one more piece of spam to everyone's inbox:

_Must_ we do this bantering en masse and on-line? Can’t you just accept that no one statement can EVER be completely politically correct, that the sender meant it in a positive and caring manner and let’s hope that each of us may enjoy our time off no matter how we choose to spend it.

Two geniuses then miss the point altogether and congratulate her publicly:

Here, here! Thanks, T***.
---------------
Yes! Indeed, thanks T***!

Here, here! You're an idiot. Then, nothing for a few hours. I figured it was over. I was wrong.

To those who choose not to observe the Christmas season in the name of Political Correctness or whatever, you have that right.

You DO NOT however, have the right to change the Culture, Traditions or Spirit of the season for those who do.

I love how it's now grammatically correct to capitalize all the important words. It's just a guess, but I don't think the thread ends here.

Or you'll get what you deserve.

Spy court judge quits in protest - washingtonpost.com Highlights - MSNBC.com:

A federal judge has resigned from the court that oversees government surveillance in intelligence cases in protest of President Bush's secret authorization of a domestic spying program, according to two sources.

This is getting pretty interesting now.

Those two adjectives will be associated with George W. Bush for the rest of time, starting whenever the general public comes to realize just how blatantly he has abused his power for most of his presidency. The only question now is whether he'll be impeached - if dem Dems take Congress in '06, there's probably a good chance.

Bush’s Snoopgate - Newsweek National News - MSNBC.com:

Finally we have a Washington scandal that goes beyond sex, corruption and political intrigue to big issues like security versus liberty and the reasonable bounds of presidential power. President Bush came out swinging on Snoopgate—he made it seem as if those who didn’t agree with him wanted to leave us vulnerable to Al Qaeda—but it will not work. We’re seeing clearly now that Bush thought 9/11 gave him license to act like a dictator, or in his own mind, no doubt, like Abraham Lincoln during the Civil War.

/drooling

News Story - NCBuy: "The Patriots (9-5) have outscored the last three opponents 79-10."

...to turn it on big time right at the end of the season. Watch them knock the Colts out - again - only this time it'll be in the first round. I don't really like Peyton Manning (he seems like a dick, doesn't he?), so I'll enjoy watching (and betting on) this one.

Bush authorized NSA to spy on Americans - U.S. Security - MSNBC.com:

The National Security Agency has eavesdropped, without warrants, on as many 500 people inside the United States at any given time since 2002, The New York Times reported Friday.

That year, following the Sept. 11 attacks, President Bush authorized the NSA to monitor the international phone calls and international e-mails of hundreds — perhaps thousands — of people inside the United States, the Times reported.

As if Bush needed one more thing to blow up in his face. This has the potential to piss a lot of people off, even if it falls in the "no duh" category for a lot of us.

UPDATE: This is now the top story on MSNBC, the Washington Post, and the BBC web sites. The more I think about this, the more it pisses me off. For me, it comes down to this: What they're doing is illegal. I don't really doubt that they're doing it for commendable reasons, attempting to capture terrorists before they can hit us, but that doesn't put them above the law. The Patriot Act gave them a lot of leeway on this type of stuff, but it sounds like they took it a step further than Congress gave them permission to, and that's outrageous. This administration should be harshly punished, so we can set the precedent that disregarding the Constitution carries a heavy price, no matter who you are or why you're doing it.

[/rant]

ABC News: Pa. Lawmaker Guilty of Conflict of Interest:

A western Pennsylvania lawmaker has been convicted of making his legislative staff do political campaign work on state time.

The felony conviction of conflict of interest means state Rep. Jeff Habay, 39, a six-term Republican from Allegheny County, will lose his state pension and could be removed from office by the Legislature.

How many Republicans have to get convicted of felonies before we start wondering why they're in charge?

SI.com - Scorecard Daily: "According to a Pacers source, the team fully expects Isiah Thomas to make a run at Ron Artest. Whether the Knicks president can make a deal is another matter."

Like I said here, my Knicks need this psychopath to bring us back to the days when the team consisted of a bunch of thugs who won games. The Knicks were the only team in the NBA that had a hockey-style enforcer (Oakley), a guy who liked to hit people for no apparent reason (Mason), and a tricky little weasel to start all the fights (Starks). Teams were intimidated to the point that nobody would score 80 points on them, ever. And who isn't just a little bit afraid of Artest and his empty, soulless eyes?

Police: Officer used Taser in fight over soda - Crime & Punishment - MSNBC.com:

Dupuis and partner Prema Graham began arguing after Dupuis demanded she stop their car at a store so he could buy a soft drink, according to a police report.

The two then struggled over the steering wheel, and Dupuis hit her leg with his department-issued Taser, the report said. She was not seriously hurt.

If this had ended in the cruiser going over a cliff, there wouldn't be any competition for the Darwin Award this year.

HTTP 404 File not found:

"Once upon a midnight dreary, while I websurfed, weak and weary,
...Over many a strange and spurious website of 'hot chicks galore',
...While I clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning,
...And my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour.
...''Tis not possible,' I muttered, 'give me back my cheap hardcore!' -
Quoth the server, '404'."

Honorable mention to this.

I'm a big Roger Ebert fan. If he didn't like it, I won't see it. This is a little long, and I guess you should just follow the link, since this is half the review anyway, but it's a pretty funny bitch-slap on a shitty actor who takes himself a little too seriously. (Come on, Schneider qualifies as a shitty actor. Was "Makin' copies!" really all that funny? And I'm still confused as to how I ever found "You can do it all night long!!!" hilarious.)

:: rogerebert.com :: Reviews :: Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (xhtml):

According to a story by Larry Carroll of MTV News, Rob Schneider took offense when Patrick Goldstein of the Los Angeles Times listed this year's Best Picture Nominees and wrote that they were 'ignored, unloved and turned down flat by most of the same studios that ... bankroll hundreds of sequels, including a follow-up to 'Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo,' a film that was sadly overlooked at Oscar time because apparently nobody had the foresight to invent a category for Best Running Penis Joke Delivered by a Third-Rate Comic.'

Schneider retaliated by attacking Goldstein in full-page ads in Daily Variety and the Hollywood Reporter. In an open letter to Goldstein, Schneider wrote: 'Well, Mr. Goldstein, I decided to do some research to find out what awards you have won. I went online and found that you have won nothing. Absolutely nothing. No journalistic awards of any kind ... Maybe you didn't win a Pulitzer Prize because they haven't invented a category for Best Third-Rate, Unfunny Pompous Reporter Who's Never Been Acknowledged by His Peers.'

Reading this, I was about to observe that Schneider can dish it out but he can't take it. Then I found he's not so good at dishing it out, either. I went online and found that Patrick Goldstein has won a National Headliner Award, a Los Angeles Press Club Award, a RockCritics.com award, and the Publicists' Guild award for lifetime achievement.

Schneider was nominated for a 2000 Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor, but lost to Jar-Jar Binks.

But Schneider is correct, and Patrick Goldstein has not yet won a Pulitzer Prize. Therefore, Goldstein is not qualified to complain that Columbia financed "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo" while passing on the opportunity to participate in "Million Dollar Baby," "Ray," "The Aviator," "Sideways" and "Finding Neverland." As chance would have it, I have won the Pulitzer Prize, and so I am qualified. Speaking in my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize winner, Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks.

Remind me to never, ever stop lifting weights - or if I do, to never, ever start lifting them again. I got started again this week, and despite taking it relatively easy, I feel like a crack team of ninja dwarves beat the shit out of me in my sleep last night. I hope I don't have to reach in front of my body for any reason today, because that's what hurts the worst.