Damnit all to hell, this crap is getting ridiculous. Nature walks aren't supposed to take months, even if it does include the occasionally pillaging of a pink skin's camp site. Sas is no where to be found, and I'm about ready to eat my own damn dorsal fin. Thats right, theres about to be a very painful stirfry goin on in this bowl if this shit isn't taken care of.

... I apologize. I haven't even introduced myself. My name is Sergeant Alexander Murphy, Sas's pet fish. Why do I have a military rank? Fuck you, thats why. What kind of fish species am I. Your mother, next question.

Doh, again some apologies are in order. You see, I haven't been fed in months. Sas will usually toss in some of his left overs (cheap bastard). This usually includes some half knawed on pelvic bones, a patch of scalp, or a toaster stroodle. Its pretty gross.... I mean some of those stroodles are way past expiration.

Anyways, this will be the last you hear of me if you don't get help. Thats right, your new best god damn friend is gonna be sleepin with the fishes, er.... sleepin with... fuck it you get the point. My next meal is gonna be a god damn worm taco with zesty buffalo wing sauce. You know who my waitress will be? Someone DEAD! A GHOST YA SEE! LIKE MOTHER TERESEA OR CARROT TOP!

I need your help. I've exhausted every option. I need to retrace his footsteps, So I've created a god damn choose your own path adventure. Solve it, cretinites!

Your Sasquatch, you just wake up.. do you:

Feed Sergeant Alexnader Murphy

Do some E-Trading

Go for a nature walk (kill)

Go Back to bed